i'm such a loser. *kisah ant*

well. i lay on the bed thinking.
why he didn't choose me.
why he coose somebody else.
i hope he reads this.

i'm tired of being ur second person in life.
i'm always here waitng.
when i dint wait,
you came to me.
i really wanted to forget about you.
every single thing you do to me hurts me much more.
i dint want to tell you that because...
i wanted to feel to be the only person in your life.
but no.
you dint take me in that way.
i sacrificed for you.
what you wanted, i tried my best to give in.

but. but.
when i stopped following your rules.
following what you wanted.
u told me the truth.
the truth that i feared.
that you like someone else.
that i was just someone you fooled around.
i waited for you for two months.
i rejected a lot of guys because of you.
but, in the end. this is what you give.

one single word to describe you is jackass
i dint want to call you that.
coz nad and i noe.
that i love you no matter how bad or fucked up you treat me.
i don't understand you anymore.
but i remember your promise.
thats the only thing i want to keep intact with you.
but im telling you.
don;t mess with me anymore.
i cant handle rejections and heartbreaking situations with u okay?
ur the ONLY person, only guy has made me cried.
despite i had mingled with an awful lot of person after you.
you carved your part on my heart.
and i cant erase it.
but if you keep on carving it in deeper.
i cant substitute anything to forget that carve.
so, stop it okay..

i have feelings. and i dont want to be played over and over again.
u made my bestie, nadiah approve you.
but when i cried.
i went to her.
you know how hard was it for me to convince to her how u were honest this time?
are you that such of an idiot?
damn guy. damn guy.
u just made my next upcoming days a miserable one okay?
wtf okay?
u memang MEMPERGUNAKAN saya.
sama seperti rakan2 anda.
and the rest of the assholes out there.
your not special to me okay.
sama jaa standard dgn laki mangkuk hayun yang lain.
fullstop.
ur. an. asshole.anthony brusther.

i'm out of here.