my disappointment.

dear mom, dad, sis. n whoever else..i remembered you guys promising to come this week.
though i  said i had to study..
didn;t mean that i didn't want to see you guys right?
i even requested wondermilk.
which i rarely do, and the reason i did
was for you guys to come.
yet, i was gladly disappointed to the very end.
i was very stressed up for the whole week.
studying physics isn't easy. yet nothing is easy
i thought of getting some boost of inspiration from you guys.
i was low on my own self
i dont have any boyfie
so, u guys were the only one who inspire me
to make me feel that i can do it.
havent heard of that for a long time
i feel lost here already
here, i'm always plotting myself to handle every bit of situation.
i am always controlling my self, and you guys barely see it
how can my mom and sis can detect that i'm crying over the phone.
i sounded cool..
but, the tears were falling down fast okay.
i was hurt. a promise was a promise okay?
to think back, merely you guys ask how am i..
it's always money. no more small talks.
how's everything
how's study?
i was deeply hurt when u said.
apak bought his stuffs and he wants to go back.
he has work to do.
what am i?
i don't care if it wasn't a promise.
like usually bapak came and suddenly wants to meet me.
n if he didn't come to meet me. i wouldn't mind
but, u guys did. n that makes me sad.
crying myslef till morning.
causing my eyes to be so sore, that everyone noticed.
but u guys don't have a clue. and i even wonder if you guys read my blog.
this might be like the days of my pmr..
where i had to fight for attention because you guys clearly was so busy.
that might just be it again right?
me fighting for ur pride and attention.
today was like hell. physics paper was terrible
but i couldn't call you guys.
i wouldn't. i wonder if you guys would even pick up the phone.
coz everytime i called, no one answers.. merely.
and for me saying things are getting rough to you.
i dont feel the sense of shoulder to cry on at home.
never did.